I recently made a new account on lemmy.blahaj.zone, because I’ve been harassed and doxxed on my old account and I wanted a fresh start with a more lighthearted online identity that I could be more open about my gender identity on. I’d heard blahaj zone was good for trans people, so I made my account there. And yeah, autism@lemmy.world removed my post discussing neuronormativism from a queer perspective, but I hoped maybe “the trans instance” would be friendlier to trans people.
A couple days after making my account, I saw someone on Blahaj engaging in the tired old cliche of “I hate politics, there’s no politics on my social media and I want to keep it that way!” Well we’ve all heard the joke that the two races are white and political, the two genders are male and political, and the two sexualities are straight and political. Hatred of politics is a transphobic, sexist, and racist trope. And having sufferred harassment and abuse from people inside the queer community who “hated politics” and saw trans or nonbinary or xenogender identities as political, I knew this kind of speech was going to make bigots feel comfortable saying they also hate politics, and they think us trans people are it.
So, I responded to the transphobia. I started out by attempting to educate them on what politics actually means. But I was interrupted by the Blahaj admin Ada, who told me that politics is “anything I disagree with”, and that indeed politics isn’t welcome on Blahaj. This language was deeply triggering of my past issues dealing with abuse, and I knew from past experience this sort of thing is said by people who are getting ready to say some enbyphobic or racist hate speech. It is especially common for white queer people to talk this way to BIPOC queer people. I tried to reason with Ada, explained the history of the cliche, the trauma it’s caused many trans people, and the consequences this kind of speech will have on the community here, making us all less safe.
Ada wasn’t having it. She minimised my concerns by reducing them to my personal trauma while ignoring my wider concerns for others’ safety, and weaponised my PTSD to paint my opinions as invalid because I am mentally ill. She said she owns Blahaj, and she gets to do whatever she wants with it, and nobody is allowed to express a differing opinion, even one that protects trans people, because that’s politics. At the time I thought her concern was me speaking directly to transphobes and making them feel uncomfortable by calling out their actions, so I said I’d just report it instead, and she banned my account.
This behaviour protects transphobes, WILL lead to trans and BIPOC people being harassed on this instance, attacks and gaslights victims of trauma (my concerns can’t be valid because I have a mental illness), and forces out any trans person with a commitment to safety for the community.
The thread where all this happened: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/comment/2143969
EDIT: The person who originally posted the transphobic views on politics is now misgendering me and calling me a “guy” despite me being very openly nonbinary: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/comment/2319669. And I didn’t call them autistic at any point.
Sounds like a good time to start your own instance you can moderate and set the tone in.
When your on a mission to convert and correct the way other people think, no matter how right you are, your going to run into resistance. Especially if the conversation isn’t focused on the idea your trying to convey.
Your acting like a missionary, and complaining the heathens don’t accept the gospel.
Sounds icky doesn’t it? Win over people by slowly socializing and normalizing your viewpoint. Hearts and minds take time. Running up to anyone when they are doing something else and engaging in hostile debate is just going to put their hackles up, even if they might have agreed with you in the right context.
Think about what you want to change, and ask yourself if yout actions are getting the results you want.
I wasn’t hostile in the original thread, the patriarchy just thinks that nonbinary people having emotions and opinions is aggressive behaviour. It’s plain old sexism distorting people’s perceptions. I’m not going to be a shy, polite, demure little enby for any patriarch’s benefit, and they hate that.
Communication is not about what you intend, it’s about what is perceived. If you think your actions are getting the outcome you want. Great keep doing it.
If you don’t think you’re getting the outcomes you want, you might need to modify your actions. This post indicates that there is some room for improvement in your approach to this community.
I’m not going to modify my demeanor to match the patriarchal ideal of nonbinary submissiveness. Because what the patriarchy ultimately wants from nonbinary people is our deaths. Every breath I take is an act of feminist defiance, and I’m not interested in compromise on this issue.
If you approach every interaction as one of defiance that may make the world a very antagonistic place.
I wish you the best of luck on your journey. I’ve given you the best and heartfelt advice I have.
Yes, the world is very antagonistic. It wants me dead. It’s full of fascists who hate trans people and eat the flesh of slaves. It’s an awful place.
This world view is doing you a major disservice.
There is nothing more I can add, I simply will cite the above posts again.