America has a new epidemic. It can’t be treated using traditional therapies even though it has debilitating and even deadly consequences.
The problem seeping in at the corners of our communities is loneliness and U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy is hoping to generate awareness and offer remedies before it claims more lives.
“Most of us probably think of loneliness as just a bad feeling,” he told USA TODAY. “It turns out that loneliness has far greater implications for our health when we struggle with a sense of social disconnection, being lonely or isolated.”
Loneliness is detrimental to mental and physical health, experts say, leading to an increased risk of heart disease, dementia, stroke and premature death. As researchers track record levels of self-reported loneliness, public health leaders are banding together to develop a public health framework to address the epidemic.
Everyone should be assigned a new middle name based on a random object and number. Then everyone with the same middle name should be considered cousins. I’ll be Dr. Wilbur Daffodil-11, for example. All the Daffodil-11s will be an extended family – I’ll have family everywhere I go. Drop a pin on a map and you’ll find family members to meet or catch up with! Lonesome no more!
I don’t even want to keep up with my real cousins.
Ah, the loneliness of the apple fallen too far from the tree is perhaps the greatest loneliness of all. A family unmoored from the millstone of genetics might just be the solution you need! Don’t let your blood ties get you down, my friend. Recording and producing legend Quincy Jones? COUSIN (and you can call him “Q”!). Secretary of a society for the preservation of local birds, Maggie Mumphries (who I just made up)? PRIMOS. Renowned author and pediatrician Mark Vonnegut? Cut off your sleeves and crack open a Corona like Dom Turetto cuz you’re FAMILY.
#LonesomeNoMore2024
If everybody is family like that, wouldn’t it just lose it’s entire meaning and family would stop being something to consider?
That’s fine and dandy until cousin Joe Daffodil-11 stabs you at the Wendy’s parking lot.
There are cultures around the world that work like this. I’m quite confident that I can knock on the door containing the symbol of my people anywhere in the world I can find it and with a few simple words be invited in for a meal and a visit.
You just gotta know the vampire code secret words.