Man, I always get tricked by these fucking Onion articles. Oh wait…

Can I remove these without issue? I have a shocking amount of them.

Your minivan is huge too…

How do you have 1000 bottles of lube? This must be that slippery slope I’ve been hearing so much about.

Lol eat shit Harvey

Then he’d really be fucked.

Mine only seems to do 3 at a time.

You didn’t pay a fee for dining in. Fuck off.

What the hell are these pieces of shit thinking?

Might take a look at these. Love Motorola products.

Looked like a cocktail napkin.

Old people bleed extremely easily. I wouldn’t be surprised if he caught/scratched his ear on the way down.

Happy National Tequila Day!

Man that’s sad as fuck. Can’t imagine that happening right in front of me. And I’m sure it’s just the way the article is written but does the dad come of kind of… chill… when talking about the whole thing? Seems like a character just telling a story in a movie.

Has this new device been abandoned by Google yet? They could set a new record; abandonment prior to release.

Wearing those little eyeball-sized swim goggles works too.

Never ends with these pieces of shit.

Is this supposed to be cult or cunt? Fitting either way.

Scorpions - Rock You Like A Hurricane

Odd that it says $10.99 for individual plan on the website but $12.99 when you download the app.