Yes, except the free part
I like it, but is it programmer humor?
Edit: typos
I’m unsure whether a drop-in replacement exists. I use Lawnchair. It doesn’t have the newsfeed when swiping left, but if you’re okay with changing your flow a bit it could be good (enough) for you. You could create something with widgets (or maybe plugins) that replicate what you currently have.
Indeed, for me going back to an lts version helped me work around this. Currently on 6.1 and that seems to not have this issue.