The poor Onion can only tell actual news stories now

Who still has any trust in us outside of other fascists and autocrats?

I’m just sitting here watching the end of the world

I don’t live in a blue state sadly, I can’t trust myself with a weapon because I know what would happen if I had one. So for me, I have to consider leaving everything behind just to be safe

Sadly we have to watch this dumpster fire go on while either planning to pick up the pieces once it’s over or you make a run for the border in hopes of saving yourself

I haven’t seen a future for this country for a while now

Yeah what new lore dropped?