It’s not about deciding your the best friend. It’s about being a good friend and it happens naturally. No one owes you anything but you have to keep being a good friend. A good friend is as good as a best friend.
What a good friend shouldn’t do ?
If a good friend or best friend tells you a ridiculous secret, don’t under any circumstances, no matter how much time has past, no matter how silly the secret seems, don’t tell it to anyone else, ever.
I learned this the hard way…it’s usually a test.
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Depends on context but get along, be supportive, be thoughtful and do it altruisltically.
👍
Someone specific, or just anybody? There are lots of people out there who have no friends, so making one friend would give you a good shot at being a best friend.
Keep in mind, friendship is not a competition, so if you’re looking to edge someone out of the top spot, you’re probably going about it wrong. But I don’t think that’s what you meant.
The best way to make a friend is to be the friend you wish you had. If you wish someone would call you, call someone. If you wish someone would go somewhere with you, go there and invite people to come along. If nobody wants to join you, maybe you’ll meet someone there who shares your interests.
It’s not necessary that best friends share interests, and it’s perfectly acceptable to tell your best friend you aren’t in the mood for whatever they are doing. But it’s also good to break out of your comfort zone and try new things. Good friends challenge each other, but also support each other.
Thank you for sharing such good points. I will always keep in mind that i can’t take nobody as the very best in my life expect me. I was just curious how in hostel others are becoming too close friends each other. So i needed tips from who know about it. And I will try out your advices. 😇
Not exactly giving a direct answer but just wanted to talk about the mindset.
I think it’s different for everyone. Some people need time to before feeling comfortable to build up a close relationship. Some people can click with people quickly.
Even a more reserved person might be able to click with another person quickly given the right chemistry. Other times it might take a while.
I’ve also seen social butterflies who can be friends with most people but have trouble making deeper connections.
There’s definitely no “best way” to be friends / best friends with someone. Usually it just happens after spending some time with together and the both of you enjoy each other’s company.
I’d Just say to keep an open minded about it. People can be different and that’s fine. Touch grass now and then, join some hobby classes (consistency helps), do some volunteering.
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Show up. Ask them to come when you do things. No matter what they are asking you to do you show up. Make room for them in your life too, every time you have room in your car let them know it would be great if they filled that seat. After enough time spent together you will have a much better grasp of what invitations mean something to them. You will also figure out when you actually want to be alone and when you would like to have company.
No matter what they are asking you to do you show up.
Ah, within legal limits…
Nah, screw the law. Just stick within ethical limits and we’re clear. If my bestie asked me to murder a dude, I would say no, but if she asked me to punch a cop, then it’s cop punching time.
😍🥰 thank you
If she’s a girl, just ask her out for a date
Friend zoned :)
People like to be acknowledged. So if you are chatting to someone and they mention there is something coming up (a date, a test, an interview for a job, etc) then next time you see them ask them how it went.
If they are into films or TV shows or books you could ask them what they are liking at the moment and if they’d recommend it. If it’s of interest to you, check it out and let them know what they thought.
If someone needs help and you can spare the time then help them. They may say “I owe you one” but don’t keep a track because everyone’s time and availability is different and you could get bitter if you thought you were putting in way more than them. Just keep an eye out for people who might be taking advantage of your good nature.
Say “yes” more often - if someone invites you to a social occasion and you aren’t sure, say “yes”. Try not to make it a blanket “yes” or people might take advantage ot it could start getting out of hand (I had to stop doing it for that reason).
Listen, ask questions, don’t interrupt and go “that reminds me of the time I…” then launch into a 5 minute story that ends “but I suppose you had to be there to appreciate it.”
Keep doing your own thing and collaborate when it makes sense. I don’t talk to my best mate hugely often but when there is something we both care about (like Starfield, metal concerts) we are on it like rabid rats and discussing it. Space and respect is important.
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I discovered my best friend after her mom told her to make friends at school and she basically looked at me, who was alone, and went “her.”
It’s taken years to become as close as we have, but it’s worth it. Just be yourself and the ones who will be your friends, or even chosen family, will find you, or you may find them!
Thank you
I friend, I’m Jake. Do you have any fun projects you’re working on?
I’m playing with code and AI stuff a lot lately.
Friends are a matter of taking every opportunity you have and finding people that share interests. It also comes down to needs and being useful to each other. The primary factor is simply making the efforts to connect with people.
I don’t have any fun projects. And these days I am a lot more silent than I used to be because of the things that happened to me. Also, I connected with the world using the fediverse (social media). In here, I feel a lot more free and open. Actually, what do you mean by fun projects?
Sorry for the delayed response. Fun projects, means hobbies and interests you actively explore. For instance, I have a lot of interests and projects, and I don’t want to overwhelm you, but here are a few: I ride a road race bicycle regularly and was an amateur racer for years, I like to design stuff in CAD for 3D printing (mostly functional/mechanical stuff), I also have a small electronics lab taking up most of my bedroom where I can design, etch, and build my own electronic boards and projects. Don’t feel bad if you haven’t quite developed interests like I have. I am unusual in that I was disabled while riding my bike to work nearly 10 years ago. I am physically limited in a weird way that makes it hard to hold posture to sit up or stand for more than one hour. I have an unlimited amount of time to learn and develop my own projects.
Let me maybe share some sage advice. “Normal” life, for most people, involves working full time or going to school. If you really analyze what this means, work or school is giving your life purpose. This purpose is what determines many other aspects of life such as the people you encounter regularly and your emotional state as far as how fulfilled you are in the present situation.
Let’s ignore the physical injury part of becoming disabled. The really hard thing to deal with is the loss of purpose and the social isolation that comes with limited mobility.
If you feel like you are not connecting well with the right kinds of people, think about what you can change within areas that give your life purpose. Maybe this means pursuing different subjects and groups in school or a new career path. Maybe you are unable to change your schooling or career path. If that is the case, then look into pursuing hobbies and projects you find interesting.
This is why I started off by introducing myself and the interest I am actively working on right now. It is unlikely that we have these in common, but if you have an interest, it would be something I would enjoy engaging in conversation about with someone if they happen to be anywhere close to where I am at presently on the learning curve. If someone engages with me like this, it is the kind of thing that can possibly develop into a deeper friendship. Friendships usually start because they are useful like this. Once they prove useful, they may grow into new areas of usefulness, areas like emotional connections and needs along with mutual interpersonal growth and stimulation. These levels of utility in a relationship are what most people call a best friend. Emotions are both a need and to some extent a drug that alters feelings. Don’t objectify people and relationships as something useful by how you treat them. Use this as perspective as a tool to analyze yourself and your life choices to pursue things you find enjoyable. You may find that you don’t really need other people as much as you once thought, or you may find areas you want to change or grow that will expose you to the types of people you want to be around. The key to all of it is to think about what you are doing in terms of the purpose and fulfilment it gives you. That is some hard earned advice that seems appropriate here. I hope it helps.
You very well understanded my reply and replied my very genuinly. First of all i need to thank you for taking time to reply me.
As you mentioned above fun projects are really enjoyable and you have alot fun projects.
Without any fun projects and only with 24 hr study am going to feel social isolation and it is gonna affect me in a bad way. Because if a flower contain no honey (here i mean fun and joy) the no butterflied or dragonflies need it, right ? This is what i understands from your comment.
Also you mentioned that its not easy to put a suddent break or change the route og my subject am studying bcz everyone studying different subjects. So you recommenting fun projects and small hobbies for me. Its really nice and thank you so much for recommenting me such a great idea. Its really awesome because i can enjoy my life in this responsible path though.
All the experiences are becoming my life lessons and i never think in these days, friends are everything. Am giving and doing what i can do at the best or how well i can keep them in a real way and i dont need the fear of lossing them bcz am not acting. As life moves on, as you say we dont need anyone or maybe they dont need us. I understands everything. And your reply is the most good thing i saw in lemmy this morning.
Thank you so much for that positive vibe 😇
Don’t, ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or, or where you’ve been. Ever. For any reason. Whatsoever.
Do this and you’ll be a best friend.
I think that the best way to be a better friend is a little bit at a time. Don’t try to turn yourself around completely all at once, but rather make little changes, tiny changes.
Like say you’re always 10 minutes late. Maybe try being only 8 minutes late next time. That’s what I mean by tiny changes.
Take whatever bad friend behaviors you’re aware of and whittle them down slowly. And also build the good stuff, slowly.
One little change is maybe next time you see some tight friends who are best friend with one another, take note of one specific thing one of them is doing that’s different from how you do it.
You don’t need to adopt that behavior today. You don’t need to understand it. That one day’s task is just to take note. Then another day you take 15 seconds and imagine yourself doing it. Then another day you try it out. Maybe it’s something tiny. Maybe you notice they turn toward their friend when they arrive.
I’m not being very coherent. By being a better friend, you can become people’s best friend. People are limited in how many best friends they can have, so they want to pick good friends as their best friends. So your path to being a best friend is to be a slightly better friend, then repeat that 1,000 times.
It could be as simple as when you go to sleep at night, you just say to yourself “How could I be a better friend?”
One thing to keep in mind though, is that there’s a trap of thinking being a better friend means giving more stuff, giving more attention, giving more energy. That’s not a good move. A good friend isn’t obsessed with you, doesn’t worship you, isn’t your henchman. A good friend is an enhancement to your life. A good friend might stop you from having hot sex, because the person’s in a relationship and they don’t want you embroiled in that drama.
Good friend isn’t a sycophant. A good friend is balanced and fair.
Maybe you could start asking people in real life: Who’s your best friend? Why? What do you think makes a good friend?
It’s a good thing to do. You’re doing a good thing.
I never thought that being completely open and always with him wouldn’t build a good friendship. Maybe it can create a trap or possessiveness for some people. From your words above, I am able to understand most about being a genuine friend.
