It seems that every community takes anything said about gender dysphoria that isn’t calling it great and beautiful and awesome, as transphobia, and the mods delete comments.
I’m wondering if there is a community for people dealing with dysphoric children that don’t get offended if something is said in honest questioning and honest debate, that doesn’t toe the politically correct line?
It’s impossible to find real help online because everyone wants to make it political. It may be political in the macro, but the micro isn’t political, and there should be room for all opinions and debate, especially when the goal is to help the person afflicted and the family to grow and be healthy in their relationships.
It legitimately sounds like you are trying to find a place where it’s okay for you to say that “this is not okay”. Which you won’t outside of the actual transphobe communities.
If people are calling you transphobic, maybe consider yourself and your actions rather than say no, it’s everyone else that is wrong. People are directly telling you what you are.
No, if they were looking for that kind of environment, it wouldn’t be hard to find.
Sometimes people need a gentler learning curve towards acceptance than a wall of anger at asking questions that they don’t yet know are hurtful or phobic or a weaponized phrase among internet fascists.
This is exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about. I’m looking for genuine help and I get accused of being dishonest or hateful.
What do you need help with?
I need to find a community of family members and/or psychologists who have found success (or failure) in dealing with this issue. I’m not trying to say that it’s good or bad. My child is struggling and I can’t seem to find objective help. It all seems political and unhelpful.
Try love…
The only thing your child needs if they have gender dysphoria is love and support. Period. If they are asking for a name change or pronoun change, listen to them. If they are asking for hormone blockers or hormones and that scares you, get therapy. Actually get therapy with a therapist knowledgeable about trans issues anyway, because you need someone to keep you from inadvertently traumatizing your child.
This isn’t a dig at you, this is true of any parent of a trans kid. I am that kid ~25 years down the road and I am legitimately lucky to be alive after dealing with gender dysphoria by myself and surviving a suicide attempt as a teen.
I encourage you to read this Scientific American article that goes into detail on all the evidence about what support (or lack of it) does for trans youth.
Right? It’s not that there aren’t people to help guide individuals through gender identity. It’s that there’s a lack of willingness to accept that it’s okay to be different. Also, it’s not your fucking body or mind, so chill.
You’re looking for help that fits your ideologies. Otherwise, you would be seeking the kind of help everyone else looks for.
It sounds like OP wants to give opinions on what other people do to/with their bodies in a judgemental way. Many other comments seem to be about how it’s so rude to be offended by those being told by OP that they are wrong.
I’m not trans and I don’t understand
body dysmorphiagender dysmorphia. Not everything is for everyone to understand. I also don’t understand getting a bunch of tattoos/piercings, drinking coffee or alcohol socially when they don’t like it, getting perms (they take so much effort to maintain), lots of things people do to alter how they view themselves or are viewed by others. I can, however, support those who do experience these things or want to change themselves to better fit who they want to be or who they view themselves as.Body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria are two different things.
No. I’m looking for honest help with my child, but thanks for exhibiting exactly what I was trying to avoid.
I don’t want to talk to just people who hate trans people, and I don’t want to talk to people who say trans people are the most beautiful thing in the world.
I want to have an honest discussion about what has worked clinically and in people’s actual circumstances, without people trying to say what they think my alterior motives are.
Then listen to Trans people. If someone loses an arm you don’t go asking for a fair and balanced view on lost arms that considers both sides. Stop looking for the answers you think are not “political” and just listen to people.
I know your initial question is just about finding a suitable community to talk to but I think people are giving you a hard time because there’s no elaboration, perhaps if you’d just started out with the questions you had this would have went smoother.
You logged into the wrong account there buddy?
Cos you’re replying as if you’re OP, but you’re not OPs account.
Wouldn’t happen to be trying to fake up content to support your shitty concern trolling are you?
Hey, some experience here due to friends and family members with gender dysmorphia both simple and complicated.
There are no such places online. Due to the culture war bullshit, discussions are polarized to either be fascist circlejerks or strict safe spaces that are so used to “concern trolls” (pose as innocent questions but really just want to open the door to say hoorrible shit), that they can’t allow unsupportive discussions.
Contact real world organizations for trans support et cetera.
They are in my experience very pragmatic and helpful, and are used to and forgiving of people “having a long way to go” to understand, or even to people who don’t understand or really accept but still want to be supportive and get along with a gender dysmorphic friend or family member.
I agree 100%. I live in Oregon, and without doxing myself too much, the town I live in has some great parent support groups for parents of lgbtqia+ and specifically groups for parents of trans and gender non-conforming children. A group like that might either be a good space or have someone who would be willing to talk with OP. But online most groups have had to be very locked down due to trolls on or hateful individuals.
This seems to be a rule of the internet. Concern trolls turn the groups they hate into their own attack dogs.
The internet hates honest discussion more than LGBTQ+ hates Bi people.
What does “the politically correct line” mean to you though? That’s a very loaded phrase and you seem to be indicating that you want to say stuff that is “controversial” without expressing any of it.
Like, Gender Dysphoria is a nuanced topic and can be felt in cis people, but there is a strong, STRONG anti-Trans effort to point at that and say “ah hah! See!” as if it somehow invalidates trans experiences.
That’s why moderation is so harsh, because often the nuance becomes a tiny crack that actual bigots will pounce on, and argue in bad faith. I mean this sincerely, I’m an audience of one but if you are sincerely just having questions I’d be happy to speak via DM.
But if the “politically incorrect” feeling is “I don’t think my kid is really dysphoric just confused”, that is a large part why spaces stop such discussion. Note i am not saying this is you, but as an example. This example focuses on invalidating how the child feels and dismissing it as something else. Which can be very dangerous.
Anyways, my offer to talk stands.
You cannot discuss the topic anywhere in public without stirring up so many triggered people from all directions.
That’s the problem. I don’t want to talk politics. I want to help my child, but I’d like to have an open discussion with people who don’t get offended at anything that’s not 100% what they believe.
It’s really hard to talk to people about this since it’s such a political hot potato. I’m truly looking for help and it’s frustratingly hard to find.
OP did you change accounts?
Why are the avatars two different women? And why go with what was obvs a topples pic for oyster?
This whole post is getting weirder.
Edit: I’m calling BS on this whole post. This is a troll rage bait.
I’m not using my normal account because my kid knows my main account. I’d like to be able to talk about this without them seeing it. The pic is just an AI face that put up. It really has no bearing on anything. I originally had an AI rendering of Roseanne Barr, but it disappeared and I couldn’t get it to reload, so I put the other AI pic up. I’m not sure how you’re seeing both of them. I really wanted the Roseanne one to stay.
I’m also not sure why the avatar matters. I’m simply looking for a community of family members and/or psychologists that have dealt with this and are willing to talk openly about successes and failures without getting into politics and name calling.
I’ve already been accused of dishonesty just for asking about any place for help. That’s exactly what I was trying to avoid.
I’m not using my normal account because my kid knows my main account
This makes zero sense if you are using both accounts in this thread.
Roseanne Barr
without getting into politics
🚩
Idiot.
You posted the original post under the other account. That means it’s already linked to this conversation.
You’re such a shit liar, and obvious concern troll.
Fuck off from this site.
Here’s a good resource: http://genderdysphoria.fyi/
You need to understand how often people ask questions that seem to come from a place of ignorance but genuine curiosity and then take that discussion to tell trans folks that they are wrong. It happens so much that it’s the main way that transphobes try to infiltrate spaces meant for trans folks.
My honest response is to check that website out. If you are asking about this in trans spaces, bring zero opinions to the table and accept what is said back to you without debate. Debating trans folks’ existence is something that is forced upon them in their own spaces by malicious people asking and framing questions just like you’ve described.
It’s hard to take the “enlightened centrism” stance seriously when I see it used as an excuse. So many centrists tell trans folks that their identity is wrong and that they are mentally ill or chose this “lifestyle”. As if they want to be trans. As if they like feeling scared and being told they’re wrong about something as fundamental as their identity.
I’m trying to find people to talk to. I’m not trying to push any opinion or agenda. My child is having issues. I don’t believe that just affirming them will solve their deep rooted problems, but I’m willing to have a back and forth with people who have had both success and failure with that approach. I want a place where I can speak honesty and not have people start calling me dishonest or saying I have some agenda or I’m trying to push some kind of politics.
I guess I’m looking for a sort of Alanon type environment, where people can share their experiences without judgement. I don’t mind if someone says they think I’m wrong and are willing to share their experience to back up their statement. I actually would welcome it.
If I were looking for confirmation bias, then that would be easy. What I’m looking for is a real and honest discussion with people who have dealt with this issue, both personally and professionally.
Honestly, you may find talking with a therapist or taking a psych class to be more helpful. Either should be able to put you in touch with RL groups that are open to discussion and information exchange.
You might try speaking with a medical professional for help with your kid in specific?
It seems like there would be some parent groups earmarked for this purpose too. A cursory google game up with a forum called Trans Families, for example.
We’ve done that, and all I get is just them pushing them more forward than they even want. I’m looking for a different place that is more focused on healing (and I mean that for both my child, and for my family) rather than just pushing the “in” thing.
My child has other issues and I believe that this medical facility is just ignoring them and trying to push their gender dysphoria forward without regard to the other, underlying issues.
I know it’s a political hot potato, and the macro seems to outweigh the micro. People have their ideas they want to push, but I’m looking for people who have found solutions rather than trying to push their agenda.
That site wants you to register. I’m really looking for an anonymous community, on Lemmy or possibly somewhere else, where people are free to discuss successes and failures in their own families without the fear of people bringing politics into it and trying to accuse them of hate. I’ve already gotten plenty of that with this post, and it’s very discouraging.
What questions do you need help with in regards to gender dysphoria?
Every trans community I have found so far answers questions very willingly and without any political touch.
While I’m not opposed to a community consisting of trans only, I would rather find a community (on Lemmy or anywhere else) of family and/or psychologists that have dealt with this and are willing to answer questions and give feedback on what has and has not been successful in dealing with these issues.
I really want to avoid the politics of it. I am trying hard to seek out help for my child, but I’m finding it impossible to find nonpolitical help.
There is literally nothing political about being trans. Just like there is nothing political about being a woman, being black or being gay.
The only politics is the people that want to limit the choices and freedoms of those (and others) . If you see trans people talking about what helped them as “political” then you are only looking for some culture war nonsense.
Part of the issue it seems like people are having in this thread is that it’s really unclear what you mean by nonpolitical help.
I’ve never experienced any communities calling gender dysphoria beautiful, but I also see that idea as distinct from acknowledging it as a real problem that affects people. I don’t think it’s in any way political to talk about the fact that gender affirming care is well supported by medical research.
So, you want actual soundly-minded medical professionals who know what they’re talking about, and not just a bunch of nose-pierced gen Zers on tiktok.
I approve.
If you’re looking for actual discussion with people on both sides of the fence, I don’t think that exists anywhere. In here you mostly get actual trans people (who understandably get easily offended) and their allies (who less understandably get easily offended for that first group). It all degenerates into something that resembles a virtual inquisition session. You’d get more done by going to a Hamas meeting and asking “hey about this Allah thing, are you sure it’s actually for real?”
FWIW, if somebody wants to found such a place for actually discussing sensitive topics like that one, I’ll be happy to join in as an unironical enlightened centrist.
It’s not even people being offended that creates the rules a lot of the time. If you don’t have strict and clear cut rules, it’s going to eat up a ton of mod time trying to keep out trolls and people asking the same things repeatedly in bad faith. I liked the split that was on Reddit between an asktransgender group and the groups meant for community.
For me though, I’ve just never wanted to be in that particular kind of place as a trans person. It takes a lot of energy to constantly answer the unintentionally offensive and invasive questions from all the people in your family, job, and just general day to day life. It’s hard to find people who consistently can and want to give time to helping slowly warm people up to the same basic facts that they could find on their own.
This is obviously a complicated topic. I think the reason you are finding some resistance in this thread is that the essence of the questions you have is not very clear. When you say I want to know what has worked and what hasn’t in the past, I think you are giving people the idea that you are looking for a solution to cure gender dysphoria. In other words, it sounds a bit and analogous to pray the gay away method. Please note that this is not an accusation, just a possible interpretation that people are having based on what you wrote
My two cents on the matter: the Internet is a wonderful place, but on these kinds of topics, it’s mostly echo chambers. I think a clinic providing gender affirming care will also have extensive programs for family members and places where you can ask these questions. It is also very important to note that these places are not ‘transgender factories’, what I mean by that is fact that your child is going through the door doesn’t mean any hormonal or surgical treatments will allways be started by definition. But my feeling is that they will have the care and help that your child needs.
Lastly, really good of you to reach out in order to better be able to help your child through a difficult time. Remember to also ask them what they need and what they think they need regularly. Even if they don’t know it themselves, it is an important question to be asked because it lets them know you’re taking them seriously
I’m not a parent, but I have much empathy for your predicament. You have the right to question this stuff, and learn about it, and decide how to handle it, without being judged. But, as others have said, I seriously doubt you’ll find that on social media, which for this issue is so politicized as to be utterly useless. It sounds like you could use a support group.
There might be a few resources on Substack:
- http://www.thestoicmom.com/ - I saved this a few months ago after seeing a link to it.
- https://pitt.substack.com/ - I know practically nothing about this one, but when I test-joined the above just now, Substack recommended it. I do see some anti-trans shitposts in the comments though.
For the Stoic Mom project, its perspective is the philosophy of Stoicism (so, she has that background), but she also has a trans daughter and appears to do consultations.
You might also consider contacting Conor Friedersdorf of The Atlantic, who wrote about this and is very well respected. Maybe he’d tell you which support groups he spoke to? You could also try to contact this woman, although I’m not sure how. Both are admittedly long shots.
Good luck.
The DeTrans community on Reddit was a great place for what you are describing. I don’t know if there is an instance made for the same kind of community but it’s worth looking into. It’s about individuals who transitioned and then de-transitioned back to the original gender. Lots of good insight and has really helped me see both sides of transitioning.
Honestly, I’ll discuss it literally anywhere (that’s obviously on topic), and if it gets deleted then all it tells me is they’re just another liberal that has the “if you’re not with me, you’re against me” methodology.
P.S. I don’t care about what other people think, and if it makes me fail a job interview, then I don’t want to work for that company.
Yea, I said it.
You seem flexible and obviously have empathy for others. /s
Only for the sensible.
It’s this kind of political thing that I’m trying to avoid. I thought I made it clear that I’m looking for help, not politics.
