I was wondering what that smell in the room was, unchecked privilege or weeks without a shower.

I have a condition called musical anhedonia. There are lots of us out there but we don’t show ourselves because of social stigma against not being able to enjoy music.

Sure, it’s her fault for making a scene about being weighed.

But when it comes to stigmatizing weight, fat shaming, and creating an environment where fat people feel humanized, many of which are fat because of medical conditions and not the other way around, suddenly it’s no one’s fault.

Not saying that she was in the right, because I don’t think she is at all. I’m saying that the rest of us need to get off our high horses and look at how we treat fat people to begin with.

Edit: Read the sentence in bold again. Christ the fatphobia on Lemmy is real. Hope this triggers enough people to kick start a fat people hate community.

Good is not the enemy of perfect.

This isn’t just a liberal issue, it’s a political climate issue that everyone plays a part in. Liberal ‘smugness’ is a reaction to conservative anti-intellectualism. When their feelings are as good as your facts, there is nothing left to debate.

No matter how simple liberals try to explain things, it doesnt matter. Conservativism has stopped having substance worth debating over when it is no longer about policy, but all about taking the opposite side of every liberal stance.

Liberals are not at fault for the willful ignorance of rural voters. No one starts off being smug and condescending to people. This happens after they’ve tried to explain with civility a thousand times and nothing worked. When ego and pride, not empathy and understanding, are the only things of value to conservatives, liberals resort to contempt. There is nothing left but to resent these people for being pigheaded and small minded. Their world views are set in stone by fox news, and any attempt you make at showing them the truth is deemed as a personal attack.

Sure. I don’t listen to music anyways. Nothing against music, just not my thing.

There’s a lot to the story that I don’t know about so I won’t be making a judgment call. However, teenagers who’ve fallen into the rabbit hole of racism and bullying aren’t easy to pull back. Whatever punishment you decide on, if it’s as harsh as that, you need to be prepared for the possibility that it may completely alienate your kid for the rest of your life.

The point of punishing her shouldn’t be for the sake of punishment, but rather to teach her how to become a better person. You can’t teach her anything if she disappears from your life. I don’t know you or her enough to know how she’ll react.

Personally, I feel that cancelling prom wouldn’t teach teenagers to stop bullying but it will teach them to hate their parents.

As for social media, instead of deleting the account and years of pictures, it would be better to deactivate the account in some way that doesn’t entail permanent deletion, and give it back to her once she has learned her lesson.

I’m going to be blunt. The way you talk about punishment feels like an outlet for your anger. And you every right to be, given what she’s done. But please remember that your daughter’s behavior isn’t set in stone. Take the steps that will actually rehabilitate her, not just punish her. Get her to write an apology letter, get her to post one last time on social media about what she did and issue an apology. Get her to offer an in person apology to the victim or parents (if that’s what they want). Make her write an essay on the impact of bullying.

Whatever you decide to do, get her to stop the hate, not hate you for the rest of her life.

YTA. Not because I don’t agree that bullying is an issue with the name ‘Karen’, but because of how dismissive you are towards the importance of her mother when you were so eager to name your son after your uncle.

Plus her mother died when my wife was a teenager so I have never met this woman so I don’t feel naming my daughter after her.

Her feelings towards her mother are equally valid and the name carries a significance to her that goes beyond what people on social media think. The issue here is that your outright rejection of the name ‘Karen’ instead of coming to a compromise is the problem. In her eyes, you got the name the boy after someone important to you, and she doesn’t get to do the same with the girl. Essentially, it appears as though your feelings towards your uncle matter, and her feelings towards her mother doesn’t.

A good compromise might be to have Karen as a middle name and come up with a different first name, or the other way around. A good way of getting her to see your perspective might be to find someone named Karen (like her mom) and ask them what it has been like for them since the name has been relegated to ‘an entitled woman’. Maybe show her graphs of how the name has declined in popularity because of cyber bullying.

Inb4 some people say ‘women voted with their wallets’, no we did not get to vote.

If you think we get to choose what size of pockets we get for pants that fit us without being uncomfortable, you have not shopped for women’s clothing as a woman, ever.

When women buy pants, it’s like bringing a random metric screw to an imperial hardware store hoping to buy a nut that fits and also all the labels are written in some alien language. The words ‘size 8’ never mean the same thing on any two pairs of pants.

Here are some common issues we encounter. It’s not as simple as ‘oh women are just vain and want pants that are a tight fit’. Women don’t get the nice 33"x34" measurements that men get in spite of needing standardization more than ever, partly because it’s nigh impossible to standardize the wide variety of hip and waist sizes women have and how it changes throughout the month. It’s always ‘these pants are perfect except’:

• My hips are to big to pull these pants up
• My hips are too small and now I have to wear a belt with 2 inches of fabric uncomfortably bunching up in the back
• My legs are too long and my ankles are cold
• My legs are too short and the pants are touching the floor
• My waist is too big so the pants are choking me when I sit down
• My waist is too small and now the same belt problem happens
• There are no belt loops for jeans
• I have PCOS belly and belts hurt to wear
• I have sensory issues and I cannot stand belts of the feeling of bunched up fabric
• The cut is too low and my bum is showing
• The cut is too high and my abdomen is choking
• My thighs are too fat and so I can’t sit down in these jeans without discomfort
• These jeans are too inflexible or small to accommodate days when I am bloating
• There are no pockets
• There are tiny pockets
• There are fake pockets

So please, I beg of you, don’t commit bullshit about how ‘women chose this’. We did not.

I think the misconception that you might be having is that the stress is even manageable at all. When people go through trauma at this age to this degree, there is little to no chance of managing it.

It’s like watching someone get injured in an accident and saying that if they had the opportunity to manage themselves better they could recovery without any lasting effects. Some accidents, no matter how well it’s managed by patients or doctors, will still render the patient paralyzed. Not to mention that a worse but more likely outcome is that they don’t make it out alive at all.

There is a survivorship bias here that is not seen on the surface. The reason why I am chronically ill is because the alternative in my situation is that I would be dead. You don’t see the people who had endured trauma and died, because they don’t come on Lemmy and comment.

The best possible outcome from the accident I was in that is my childhood, is that I came out of it alive, albeit physically and emotionally damaged.

Whatever you think feminism is doesn’t change what feminism actually is. I don’t think you see the irony here of how you are explaining what feminism is to a feminist.

If you are not a feminist, you are anti-feminist. It’s that simple. You think you are criticizing feminism, when in reality you are criticizing misandrists and TERFs who are not accepted by feminist (ask me, a feminist).

Can you just stop and think about the optics for a second? You are explaining to me, a feminist, what feminism is. You are explaining to me how i support misandrists and TERFs when everything I have written couldn’t be further from that. You need to take a step back and start treating me, a woman, as a person with valid thoughts and opinions that exist independently of your narrow world view. And you need to stop putting down men who are feminists because doing so makes you just as much of a misandrist as the people you claim to hate. If you have any respect for yourself and other men’s mental health issues, start accepting that feminism is the solution.

I imagine these sorts of messages get attention because they can be very validating

That’s a pretty big slap in the face speaking as someone who grew up with chronic stress. I’m in my 20s. My thyroid has gone autoimmune on itself. I developed PCOS before puberty even fully set in. I have fibromyalgia, a condition that renders my entire body up in a permanent state of pain and suffering.

I didn’t get to where I am because I didn’t ‘manage my stress well enough’ or ‘didn’t look at it positively enough’. It’s not as simple as bad genetics either because people my age don’t typically have these conditions.

I don’t want to gatekept for not managing stress well enough, so I’ll just put some statistics out there: I’ve moved 26 times growing up, went to 14 different schools, lost 13 pets consecutively, sexually abused before I was 10, called the cops due to life threatening situations 4 times in my life, and went no contact with everyone I was related to. The fact that I made it to adulthood alive should be proof enough that this isn’t a stress management issue.

When you live in chronic distress, not eustress, your body will eventually pay the price. There’s a book called ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ by Vessel Van Der Kolk that does a fantastic job of explaining this. As a result of my body breaking down in pain and no longer being able to exercise, live, and function the way I used to, I will most likely die sooner than I would have if environment conditions didn’t trigger all these latent health conditions. And that’s ok.

What’s not ok is being told that I could have better health outcomes if I had just look at my stress more positively. Buddy, if I look at my stress any more positively than I did I would no longer be managing my stress I would straight up be in denial that anything bad even happened.

I am the feminist movement. You are speaking it right now. This is the image of feminism. If you don’t like what you see, don’t shuffle around and just admit that you are an anti-feminist.

The feminist movement isn’t some men-hating caricature you see on Fox news. It’s normal people caring about those who suffer from the patriarchy, men and women alike. It’s people over at Men’s Liberation community. It’s donating to the local women’s shelter because over 90% of SA victims are female. It’s donating to men’s suicide prevention charities because over 80% of deaths are from men. It’s understanding that the men’s mental health crisis is a consequence of patriarchal structures. It’s understanding the pervasiveness of systemic oppression on women’s lives. It’s learning to empathize with the different but real struggles that the other genders face.

If you simply ‘don’t care anymore’ because you are concerned about image, that’s not good enough. You should care. And that starts with embracing the idea that feminism isn’t a dirty word, and it’s not defined by extremists. It’s 2023 and it’s what everybody should strive for ffs.

Christ can you not understand that most feminists fundamentally disagree with TERFs? I don’t know why you are so insistant to lump them with actual feminist. Maybe consider listening to feminists, like me, instead of perpetually mansplaining about what feminists are.

It’s not a ‘general perception’ that all feminists are TERFs. It’s what your perception and the perceptions of other anti-feminists. Hell most normal men, who are feminists with or without labels, don’t share your perception. You seem to have this warped perception that all feminists are out to get you and hate on men, when the reality is so far from the radicalized scheme that you think it is. People like you perceive the existance of feminism as an attack on you. It’s not. It’s not even about you, because you don’t seem to care about men’s issues either. It’s about everyone else who wants to lift men and women above the patriarchy.

Girl boring guy quirky

This may come as a surprise to you, but people often deliberately mislabel themselves for credibility, or believe themselves to be something that they are not. For example, so called ‘leftists’ in the US are actually centrists and by international standards.

You are holding all women feminists accountable for the actions of a few self-proclaimed women feminists. That is not infantilization, that is pointing out the impossible standards that women are held to by anti-feminists and how some women will always be blamed for the actions of others.

Lemmy’s userbase is problematic because often times people don’t think about whether or not their experiences are relevant before speaking. Judging by your condemnation of feminists because of misandrists who claim to be one, you don’t seem to understand that feminism is fundamentally about equality and bringing men and women up to par with each other. This goes beyond just women’s rights. Feminism is just as much about making safe spaces for discussions about men’s mental health, male sexual assault victims, paternity leave, custody, and so much more. The reason why these things are not accessible to lots of men is the same reason why women aren’t being treated as people. It’s because of systemic patriarchal barriers that force men and women alike to conform to certain detrimental behaviors or be ostracized.

Leave it to Lemmy’s 77% male userbase to discredit the entire feminism movement because some self-proclaimed ‘feminists’ are misandrists and TERFs in sheep’s clothing.

Women are always held responsible for other people’s behaviors. Holding the vast majority of normal feminists who just want to be treated like people accountable for the actions of a crazy minority of men-hating folks is just another example of this.

Cantonese: 陳大文 (can4 daai6 man4) Japanese: 山田太郎 (yamada taro)

Ee33 we r3 we 3 de r3r ree

Good for yourself and all, but just as a reminder that Christmas can be secular and anti-capitalist at the same time. You don’t need to exchange gifts, be religious, or have any beliefs or traditions about it.

It can just be an excuse to get together, cook, and have dinner. It doesn’t need to be elaborate either. Christmas for many people just means a time of the year you set aside to appreciate family, friends, and loved ones.