I was born in Victorian Britain and have a very mirthful air about me.
So one day I was going about my merry business, being my jovial self.
When I’m walked a creature that saw what I was about, smoked at me and said ‘well aren’t you the gayest person I’ve met all day’.
I’m not sure how to feel tbh
Wearing an earring in your right ear, but it’s ok to wear it in the left… Or the other way around. I could never remember which.
I’ve had a colleague say that tea is “homo water”. I’m aro/ace, but most of my colleagues don’t know that. Similarly a straight colleague of mine got mocked for wearing pink (but not feminine) shoes. After some of these incidents we’ve kinda started pushing back against this nonsense by deliberately triggering these people and calling them out, which has worked so far.
Sucking my best friend’s dick. I’m sorry, but if my friend is having a bad day, giving him a bro-job is not gay.
Not judging, but that is definitely gay.
Only if he gets a boner
Only if they kiss afterwards.
Sounds like a happy experience all round.
Just pretend he’s a woman.
I need more friends like you.
I’m generally skeptical of comments on the internet, so almost every time I have read comments like this one that you’re reading right now, I’ve been like “yeah right”. Kinda like how “lol” means “laughing out loud” but when you read it online you don’t really expect whoever wrote “lol” to have laughed out loud? Anyway, I was drinking coffee, I read your comment, I snorted in laughter, and now my white shirt is full of coffee.
I guess I’m also kinda mad at myself for laughing so hard at such a silly joke. Regardless, have an updoot 👍
Did you even say no homo first?
It’s a tie between licking ice cream and saying something is adorable.
According to my dad, considering something as ‘lovely’. Even if it’s the exhaust note of a motorcycle.
I remember kids telling me I was crossing my legs in a gay way. I asked them who said so, and they said their teacher. That was the first time I realized some bullies grow up to be teachers.
Washing your asshole… Seriously dudes, wash it anyway
Yeah this is still astonishing to me as a guy. Why is basic hygiene gay?
Seriously. If I was a girl, there’s no way I’d want to fuck someone with a filthy asshole, especially on my sheets. Skidmarks on the sheets and smelling like old shit is gross.
Wash your ass and groin with soap and water just like you do your armpits and feet.
My unasked for advice? Keep your butthole hair trimmed or shaved. Makes it much easier to keep clean, and it takes two seconds in the shower.
And up to the first knuckle, you don’t have to jam soap up there but wash your nasty ass if you expect anyone to not gag when they get near your crotch.
Some of yall are nasty.
Yes, why would you expect anyone to stuff something up there if you’re not going to at least keep it clean!?
- Wear orange or pink.
- Eat quiche
- Like poetry
- Hang out with girls at recess
- Wear an earring
- Owning Laurie Anderson or Philip Glass CDs
Pull through parking. You know, where there are two spaces so you drive through one into the next so you can pull out of the one you park in without having to back up? I got told that was for “girls and gays”.
If pulling forward into an empty parking space in front of your car is gay, then I guess you’d better start calling me Elton John. What the actual fuck?
Rocket man
Not sure if related, but my wife once told me it was hot watching me put my arm behind her passenger seat, look back and reverse out of a car space.
Now I need to know… are reverse cameras also for girls and gays?
Along those same lines, aren’t backup cameras becoming standard in vehicles?
They’ve been mandatory on all new vehicles since 2018
They’re puttin’ cameras in the cars to turn the friggin’ trucks gay! (/s for those who don’t know the reference)
That really clashes with the reality of how truck bros actually park. Or does it…?
Truck bros park in the dead center of 4 spots.
Yeah, sorry, that was me today. Weird day. I’d back up 4 times and still not be able to see the lines.
Get a smaller truck, jfc. What if the lines were children?
Lying on the ground in a parking lot? That would be weird, but maybe they could have called out directions to help me get into a parking space.
It’s the same car regardless of location. If you can’t see the parking lines then extrapolate, idiot.
Real men know that there is a greater tactical advantage to backing out of a parking spot instead of pulling out.
I once got called the f-slur for having the audacity to read a book in public, outdoors in front of the library.
It’s okay, you can say “fatty” here.
Is this gay erasure?
I think this is gay eraser
It’s reality; this fat gay book nerd got called fat derisively MUCH MORE often than the f word
Cry.
One story my husband shared with me was when he and my dad stopped into a local bar after working hard on home renovations all day. They planned to get some dinner and have some beer after a hard day’s work but needed to wash their very dirty hands first. So they went back into the bathroom and washed their hands. Well apparently that was too “gay” for the owner of the bar and they went over to the bathroom and started saying things like “I don’t know what you think you’re doing in there” and “I just need to make sure you’re not doing anything funny”. So they ended up just leaving while the guy yelled at them saying they had to buy something.
A slightly different version of this concept also happened to my husband. At one point, 2 of our lady friends were talking about fashion and my husband, who is MUCH more fashionable than I am, chimed in. They proceeded to tell him that he’s “not allowed to have an opinion because he’s a man” which is the most double standard bullshit I’ve ever heard come out of any of my friends mouths. It’s stuck with me for a long time now because I think it keeps me honest with myself about standards and reminds me to think about how opinions change when you flip genders.
They planned to get some dinner and have some beer after a hard day’s work but needed to wash their very dirty hands first. So they went back into the bathroom and washed their hands. Well apparently that was too “gay” for the owner of the bar and they went over to the bathroom and started saying things like “I don’t know what you think you’re doing in there” and “I just need to make sure you’re not doing anything funny”.
Fellas, is it gay to practice basic personal hygiene?
Washing your hands implies you touched your penis and touching penises is gay.
I usually just wet my pants to avoid touching my own penis so I don’t get perceived as gay. Shit, I just used the word perceived. Gay af.
Only straight way to use a urinal is helicoptering, got it
I think the bar owner thought they might be going into the bathroom to do gay stuff, not that washing their hands is gay.
Two men walking in the bar and going straight to the bathroom together. Man jumped to conclusions.
Well it is called “homophobia” and a “phobia” is an irrational fear.
He lives his life in fear of two consenting men. Lol
I had the realization recently that homophobes think of gay sex as often as I do; but they have to jump through mental gymnastics to get it while I simply open up app and I’m back to normal an hour or so later.
I can’t image how hard it is to be happy and hold such a defining part of your life with such contempt at the same time and that was the first time I’ve ever felt sorry for a homophobe; it was for Aaron shock.
They went in straight. All good then.
The conclusion id jump to is that they were going in there to do some drugs.
Wait… you’re not washing your asshole are you?
You can’t be having fingers near your butt, same with wiping
Fellas, is it gay to not eat dirt
Both of these broke my brain.
Around 2010ish I was thoroughly enjoying some Bells Two Hearted and other IPAs. My brother (2 years older) tried arguing that bud light is man’s beer, and my beers were fruity and girly. It certainly doesn’t matter to me, but the irony of choosing bud light, out of all the macro beers, is just 👨🍳😘>
